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Day 11

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Our neighbour came over for dinner last night.   No sins were uttered, but I began to observe how, at various times during the conversation, my mind would forget that I was engaged in a specific practice and I was just adrift in the sea of mundane conversation.  Gunas and Ego!  From within the quiet of morning contemplation, that’s my theory of why this happens in me.  The energy and dynamics of any situation are stimulated when even a small group of people come together.  One of my favourite teachings on the Gunas from the Gita is the reality that when one Guna meets another Guna (i.e. two people), a change occurs as the strongest energy begins to transform the weaker or less established energy.  So the energy of the conversation last night was WAY more animated than what normally occurs in our home; rajas was strong in the room.  Couple that with my individual ego which is sometimes attracted to certain types of participation, like a shy actor who s...
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Day 8

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We have been in a winter lockdown since I began this practice.   Beautiful, but I haven’t really spoken to people other than my husband and my dog for a week and it looks like much of the coming week will be the same.   The practice is relatively easy in this situation; it comes natural to speak from a heart of devotion with these two. I am perhaps more conscious of this at the moment, and it is certainly wonderful to be more aware of the love that naturally fills our home, but it is not particularly challenging.   In order to start having the spectacular failures I need to learn from, I will need to get out in the world. 
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Day 6

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It’s early morning and still in the dark period of the year, my favourite time.   As I sit near the wood stove with the oil lamp sharing its magical glow from the side table, attempting to mull over my yesterday through the lens of my practice, I find that I am having “one of those mornings”.   Occasionally, I become lost in the thought/belief/experience/non-thought that I am indeed Brahman. So Ham. I Am That.  During such mindless moments the notion of “practice” does not exist.   Oh that this state would become my permanent reality. 
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Day 5

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This Divination of the Mundane is a habit that is going to take a while to establish.   The concept is clear within me and while it is established as a sincere spiritual goal, no, more than that, an imperative, the habits of mundane conversation seem to run quite deep.   The scenario is quite easy to observe.  When I even slightly loose focus of my intention, slightly forget Gita 3:30, the established traits of my personality come forward.   My ego likes to please others, it likes to be liked, and this is a subtle part of my personality.  Nothing inherently wrong with that and there is not really anything to be done as it is part of my prarabdha, my karma in this life.  But during mundane conversations, when my spiritual guard is down, I don’t just listen to what the other is saying, my mind seems to be subtly searching for something to react to so I can say something pleasant or clever and thereby fulfill my need to please and be liked.  When dispass...
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Day 4

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We bumped into some neighbours yesterday when we walked to the mailbox and had a normal polite neighbourly conversation about nothing important.   I was conscious of my words and avoided anything overtly unhelpful but, on reflection, the conversation and my words also did not feel overtly helpful.   This seemingly karmically neutral ground is a bit perplexing because I don’t think anything is actually karmically neutral.   I’m not sure how to do it yet, but I want to find a way to internally transform these mundane acts and words into a beautiful dance with the Divine.  I have observed this in a Swami friend of old who seemed to always maintain the exact same level of inner joy in all situations.  She travels for her sacred work, giving retreats all over, and  whether she was talking about God, some practice, the weather, or engaging with a long-winded whining student, unperterbable joy!    I have also observed this, very closely, in a few Swami...
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Day 3

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  Bless me Father for I have sinned …   Sorry, holdover from my upbringing, but there were indeed two occasions yesterday where my speech was sinful.  Nothing anyone on the outside would notice, but the whole experience really helps to inform me how to assess myself in this practice.   I complained, in words, twice.  First after a meeting with my tax preparer about the tax error she is helping me to sort out: I said “Crap”.  Second, as a response to a current political story on the evening news: I said “Good Lord!”.  Neither statement will impress the judges at the sinners hall of fame, BUT both reactions contributed to a vasana (habit pattern) within me that is not helpful; each reaction was stimulated by the klesha known as dvesha, aversion, and whenever I allow myself to act under the influence of dvesha , I strengthen dvesha’s grip on me.  These are the laws of karma, this is the bondage of karma. On the other hand, many times during ...
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Day 2

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Day 1 was an absolute joy!   One of the peripheral, yet essential, aspects of this type of practice is the rekindling of the relationship to the Eternal Witness, the one within who observes everything with complete independence.   The scriptures say this is Atman, witness of speech but not the speaker, witness of actions but not the doer, witness of thought but not the thinker.   I am happy to accept that name, but it is far more amazing to experience this like a friendship and this true friend does to seem to need a name.   So, together, we witnessed all of my words yesterday.  I am pretty confident that I did not speak anything that was obviously sinful, but there was this nagging question of how to relate to mundane speech like the nonsense I speak to my dog.  There was a point in the day when I called my beautiful, elder father.  How would I judge the words I used with him?  It struck me that the entire conversation was an act of Devotion, no...
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