Day 3

 Bless me Father for I have sinned … 


Sorry, holdover from my upbringing, but there were indeed two occasions yesterday where my speech was sinful.  Nothing anyone on the outside would notice, but the whole experience really helps to inform me how to assess myself in this practice.  


I complained, in words, twice.  First after a meeting with my tax preparer about the tax error she is helping me to sort out: I said “Crap”.  Second, as a response to a current political story on the evening news: I said “Good Lord!”.  Neither statement will impress the judges at the sinners hall of fame, BUT both reactions contributed to a vasana (habit pattern) within me that is not helpful; each reaction was stimulated by the klesha known as dvesha, aversion, and whenever I allow myself to act under the influence of dvesha, I strengthen dvesha’s grip on me.  These are the laws of karma, this is the bondage of karma.


On the other hand, many times during the rest of the day I was clearly aware of how my words were contributing to the vasanas within me that are indeed helpful: patterns of devotion, patterns of love.  There were also a number of times when I chose not to speak something that was in my mind because it was not clear whether it would stimulate helpful or unhelpful vasanas.  


It seems that this is the barometer I need to use as I observe the words after, or preferably before, they come out of my mouth: do those words contribute to vasanas that are helpful or unhelpful to the goal of life, to the experience of the Divine Reality?  


I had a curiosity in my mind when I woke this morning.  Who really is this Eternal Witness that is observing all of my words?  Is it truly Atman or is it Buddhi which is said to be the reflection of Atman and not Atman itself?  I rather quickly came to the conclusion, for today, that I don’t care.  This Witness just feels like a dear inner friend and that is all I need to know.  



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